If i come over, it means nothing
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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