respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He kissed a someone with a penis
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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