My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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