I swear god or herbie drove my car home
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
