I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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