Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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