I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
