i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
