K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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