that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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