Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
