Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
