I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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