Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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