is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
