So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
