she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
