You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My penis needs a shock collar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
