watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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