she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
