I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?