Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night

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(248): God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night http://tfl.nu/0w8x

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(704): View more from North Carolina

is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?

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(704): is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell? http://tfl.nu/12z5

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(914): View more from New York

Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.

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(914): Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase. http://tfl.nu/ryxu

Replies (68) Good night (481) Bad night (4310)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...

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(918): My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it... http://tfl.nu/dlfs

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(410): View more from Maryland

you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.

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(410): you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now. http://tfl.nu/1nlv

Replies (28) Good night (1287) Bad night (5302) Order T-Shirt
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(831): View more from California

So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...

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(831): So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me... http://tfl.nu/3wpt

Replies (18) Good night (1271) Bad night (6454) Order T-Shirt
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(734): View more from Michigan

The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.

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(734): The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car. http://tfl.nu/l3cg

Replies (9) Good night (1286) Bad night (4549) Order T-Shirt
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(910): View more from North Carolina

You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.

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(910): You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear. http://tfl.nu/21wf

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.

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(985): Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am. http://tfl.nu/mwe3

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.

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(403): also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy. http://tfl.nu/tn0z

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

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(202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0

Replies (28) Good night (2817) Bad night (911)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.

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(815): I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her. http://tfl.nu/4xcm

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(925): View more from California

Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.

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(925): Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious. http://tfl.nu/2nhd

Replies (4) Good night (601) Bad night (1403)
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(646): View more from New York

If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.

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(646): If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more. http://tfl.nu/8b5s

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb

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(403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb http://tfl.nu/fhfr

Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt

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