He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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