Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.