I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas