I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly