the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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