I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
