Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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