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i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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