I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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