I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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