Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
