this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
