It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
