My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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