Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
