everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
