Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
