me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
