well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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