It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
