So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
