uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think i got beer on your cat.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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