im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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