i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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