I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
