He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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