shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
