Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I cut my penus on the lid.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
