Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
