and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
