That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
