dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
