She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
