im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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