On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
