Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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