I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
