I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
