And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just pee around me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
