yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
