Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
