Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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