been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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