all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
