can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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