Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
