i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
