mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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