i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
