and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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